Be it known to all respectable townsfolk, prim gentlefolk, and other well-mannered bystanders: should you possess an excess of propriety, sensibility, or dignified restraint, it is strongly advised that you give the wedding party a wide berth.

These merry scallywags, peculiar rogues, and magnificently uncivilized rabble have long been suspected of causing outbreaks of excessive merriment, reckless dancing, poorly considered toasts, and the baffling conviction that one’s knees remain as youthful as one’s spirit.

Any reputation for refinement abandoned during these festivities shall be considered cheerfully forfeited.

You have been duly cautioned. May Providence have mercy upon your composure.